Dammit, what's my age again?

Thank you for your text message 3 days ago. You indeed slap me on my face, waking me up from all this childish act of mine and realizing: I'm freaking 18. And I'm no longer a kid anymore.

You know, for the past 6 or 7 years I've been missing the warmth I used to feel. And I kinda miss that. I wanna go back to the days when I can still make stupid mistakes without hearing people around me telling me to grow up. I know how old I am, I know how I'm supposed to act but does that mean I can't have a little of my kid moment every once in a while? 

What? So its illegal now for me to do so?

I really miss those times where I could just snuggle into my mom's arms, feeling her hands running through my hair (even tho I used to hate it so much back in those days) trying to accessories my very long hair. But what I really miss though, that feeling of knowing nothing. We're still young and innocent.

For the past months, I've been feeling like I lost my way. I can't remember where I'm heading to. I don't know who to listen to and believe in. I'm... Lost.

I thought I knew the people around me. I thought I could trust them. I thought I could rely on them. But then I realize, I was wrong. I don't know anyone else as better as I know myself. I can't trust anyone else other than myself. I can never rely on somebody else other than.... myself.

There are many people who have helped me through all of this "growing up project". With all the disappointments they have caused to me, I learned a LOT. And I wanna say many thanks to them. I can never be who I am right now, without them. Even though the process wasn't very nice and something that I wanna remember, but I guess that is the best way to learn about how tough life really is.

So for now, I guess I'm just gonna try to truly accept that I am now officially a young adult. I need to stand on both of my feet, hold on to nothing except what I believes in and of course, God. And for you, good luck on your journey if you're still lost like me. I wish we will all find our destination soon enough :) 

 image from: here :)

But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up
- Dammit by Blink 182. 


1 comment:

Taradise said...

I dont wanna be an adult, haha (peterpan syndrome) being adult is not fun at all, but welcome anyway ...